One major obstacle I had to overcome after the divorce was the uncanny ability to see things that I didn’t want to see, things that would tend to bring me down rather than lift me up.
For example; sitting in church minding my own business I just happen to notice the couple up front snuggling next to one another, looking at each other lovingly, and enjoying the service. Or being at the park with my daughter and I notice the families enjoying the day together. Or as I am driving home I pass a nice house with people my age standing in front of it, and it must have cost $500,000.
Damn it! This was supposed to be my life… I had the wife and child, and we were well on our way to having a good middle-class life. After my wife left, I felt like I lost everything. Things simply weren’t happening the way I had planned, and for some reason, it was all I could see. I was coveting in a major way and boy was I jealous.
Continue reading “I Don’t Want to See That”
Have you ever had one of those days when it seems you can’t do anything right? I am not talking about the typical, forgetting where you put your keys, and you’re running late kind of deal. No, I am talking about having one of those days where things are far more disruptive and even hurtful.
It starts with waking up in the morning already feeling like you need to ask forgiveness of your sins, adding the drive to work you count 3 more instances you need to ask forgiveness for. Throughout the day you probably have offended or said something you shouldn’t at least 8 times… We are at 11 now, add another 3 for the drive home, 2 for slamming the door and snapping at the kid and then finally you feel like it is done with and the ex-calls just to remind you of how big of an ass you are. All you can do is pick some ungodly choice words and let’em have it right back.
Wow! Have you ever had one of those days? I think I have had more than my fair share, but then again I am only human. As a Christian these are not the type of days we typically have or like to experience. It goes against everything we desire. The day ends with us feeling as filthy rags, unworthy of God’s love even though the bible says He will never stop loving us.
Continue reading “Just Another Bad Day”
Life after divorce is challenging especially if you are going to refrain from running out and starting a new relationship or drinking your sorrows away, which we all know simply makes things worse. After my divorce, and from time to time over the years, I come across a phenomenon that drives me crazy. It happens at church, in the grocery store, at the park, driving down the street, and watching tv. It hits me from nowhere and nearly brings me to tears, sometimes it does.
What I am talking about is loneliness or the sense of loss or what could have been. Consider this – Sitting in a church service all is going well, and the couple in front of you seem to be having a grand time as she gently rubs her husband’s back. Then you start looking around, and the whole damn place is filled with couples… they all seem so happy and even look the same age as you are. What the heck is going on, why can’t I have this?
Continue reading “Couples, Couples Everywhere”
After a divorce, there can be many, many “you did this!” “You did that.” statements. The kind of conversations that only lead to an argument filled with anger and hate towards one another.
There are several times a year, even still to this day that I get a call or a letter of what a lousy husband I was. At this point I have two options; option 1 is to defend myself for the hundredth time and attack back. Option 2 is to let it go.
They may be attacking you and dangling that hook in front of you, but you don’t have to bite and attack back. You already know in your heart that you made mistakes; you know they made mistakes, and you know that you are a good person working on being a better Christian day by day. God has forgiven you, you have forgiven yourself, and it is not your fault your ex can’t do the same. You no longer live in the past, and that is a choice you have made. Your ex may not be to that point, or they may simply be having a really bad day and feel like bashing you.
Continue reading “Stop Playing the Blame Game”
I was contemplating lately whether I have been making progress in my life towards meeting my goals. Because of this website, I can remember years ago when I felt devastated and alone. I felt like such a failure! Of course, now I know that isn’t the case, but I still find myself reading the same types of books. Books that focus on obtaining success through becoming what we think about. I am not talking about financial success. However, that is a part of it. I am talking about living a healthy life that is success driven by our relationships, work, families, and community.
Every book I have read seems to focus on the same principles, and I find that comforting. They even tie into what the bible talks about as far as living life in the present, having joy and peace. I have struggled with all these things in the past, especially after the divorce. Even today they crop their ugly head because let me tell you… if you have children with your ex-spouse they NEVER go away. You are always going to have to deal with them to some extent, and the more emotionally healthy you are, the better. And that is what these books have helped me to achieve.
Continue reading “Building Success in Life after Divorce”
Over the years people have come in, and out of my life and at times I wonder where they went… Did I do something to drive them away, did they get bored with me or could it be that the task they were sent to do has been completed and it was time for them to move on?
I have learned that God looks at the big picture when I am incapable of even fathoming the big picture. Even though God did not plan for my marriage to fail, He foresaw it and planned for it. Ultimately I was supposed to learn something and become more Christ-like from experience. Maybe I was supposed to learn something about other people, maybe something about me, or both. I am leaning towards both; I hope that God will use what I have gone through to help others, that is if I allow it. Sometimes I need to put myself out there, and I am not good at stepping outside of my comfort zone. But I have noticed that God is bringing people to me that are in a lot of pain, and instead of me helping them they seem to be helping me.
Continue reading “The People God Puts in Our Lives”
You all know who I am talking about right?? Last week at church this group called Esterlyn played their song called Esther and it really touched me. I was able to find a live performance on YouTube but the quality isn’t the greatest. I recommend sitting back, closing your eyes, and just listening.
Esterlyn - Esther (with lyrics)
He heals the broken hearted
He binds their wounds
He is love
He finds those forgotten
Those who’ve been abused
He is love
He knows your name
A Father to the fatherless
A healer of the brokenness
You make beauty from the ashes
A helper to the helpless
A fighter for the hopeless
You Love those who are alone
He comforts the lonely
He hears their cry
He is love
He holds the children
Throughout the night
He is love
He knows your name
Give us your heart Lord help us love the unseen
Give us your eyes Lord help us love those in need
You can read the Bible a hundred times, and each time something different may stand out, saying “this is important.” Of course, everyone is different along with their circumstances, yet I felt like sharing what Paul wrote to the Ephesians.
I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I also pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened so that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.
Continue reading “Paul’s Prayer for the Ephesians”
When you think about forgiveness, it seems pretty simple of a concept to grasp. I often tell people that I have forgiven my ex for the divorce and other things, but then I catch myself wishing that God would punish her for what she did. Harsh isn’t it?
I have been divorced for over 2 years now and felt I was making pretty good progress on moving on. This morning I woke up thinking about my ex-wife and how I wish bad things would happen to her. I know exactly where these feelings are coming from because I miss my daughter. If you have gotten to know me at all, you know that the one thing I hate is not being able to see her every day.
Continue reading “True Forgiveness”
Many divorces end because of infidelity in the marriage, my wife left me a week before Christmas and moved in with another man. I was completely clueless! While she was out having a good time with her new found love I was home heartbroken trying to figure out what the heck had happened, alone and miserable. Part of me was jealous that she already had another person to share her time with. I wanted to run out and get into a new relationship as well, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was a bad idea. My intentions would have been entirely selfish, and my emotional state was unhealthy thus leading to an unhealthy relationship.
Some research that I found on the Internet suggests that it can take 2 to 3 years to adapt to divorce, longer if illness or job loss occurs during the same period. To be quite honest I can see that to be true. This coming December will be my 3-year mark, and I can honestly say that I feel good, I feel like really getting to know someone in a healthy manner, and I feel like the evaluation and work I have done on myself has paid off.
Continue reading “Adjusting to Divorce”