There came a time when I finally realized that this situation was completely out of my control and there was no going back. In reality, by now I did not want to go back. I stopped thinking about what could have been or what should have been. I simply accepted that I would be another divorce statistic and decided to move on with my life.
It was amazing how free I felt when I reached this stage, I still had the occasional flashback of anger and depression, but for the most part, I was ready to let go and move on. It was at this stage, however, that I began questioning who I was and the mistakes that I made. I knew I could have been better but what exactly did I need to work on? The one main item that came to mind was “guilt” I felt responsible for failing. I have often struggled with guilt, and I did not want it to control my life any longer. I knew that God had a plan for me and He sees me in love, and I wanted to be able to experience that love.
It was at this stage my hard work began, the previous stages I relied upon prayer and God, and now it was time for me to step up to the plate and get to work. I was still relying on God, but I had to make changes in my life because I don’t want to go through a divorce again. Granted there are no guarantees, but I can narrow the odds down a bit.
At this point in my life I want to be the best I can be, often it is still not good enough, but that is a topic for another time. I made serving at my church a habit and looked forward to that time; I also began to get steady counseling from a godly counselor who helped me to see when I was not thinking straight. I got back into the Word and looked for ways to better myself.
I am feeling better about who I am, and I know that God has a woman for me and this time I intend to wait for Him to reveal her to me instead of taking matters in my own hands and ending up with another broken family. Life does go on after divorce and the sooner I was able to forgive her and myself the quality of my life improved.