Grief Model – Bargaining and Divorce

During the bargaining stage, I took two approaches. One was bargaining with my ex and the second was bargaining with God. The first approach did not last long, by this time it had been several months and I was pretty sure divorce was imminent. I tried a couple of times to promise to go to counseling – the truth was I was already in counseling trying to better myself.

I recommend being very cautious when bargaining, you could damage the fragility of the situation more. Bargaining with your ex may only prolong the whole divorce situation and can potentially put you in a position of losing respect.

Next, I bargained with God. Who else better to negotiate with than the Creator of all things? If anyone were going to save this marriage, it would be Him. I promised God all sorts of things. I would be loving, kind, and I would read my Bible more, pray more, serve more, etc. The more I bargained, the more hopeless, at times, things got. It just wasn’t going to happen. I felt utterly powerless, and that is where God needed me to be.

It was during this time in my life that I came to see God’s love for me, His grace for me. One night I was struck with love in my heart and embraced God. I gave up on the bargaining and began to focus my efforts on praying for those around me, yes even her.

Bargaining merely is part of the grief process, yet a humiliating part, it is hard to let go of something that you love or are committed too. It will pass in time; I recommend trying getting involved with serving the community at some level. Get involved in other’s lives while at the same time continue to pray and ask God to get you through another day.

The Five Stages of Grief Are

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance