Grief Model – Denial and Divorce

When my wife told me she was filing for divorce, I could not believe it. I thought we were in this together till death did us part. I thought Christians were supposed to be better, more patient, loving, and forgiving. Me included!

For several weeks I believed that this was all just a dream and she just wasn’t thinking straight and would come running home. I could not understand why this was happening to me and how could the all mighty God allow this.

In itself, my denying the situation was not a bad thing. It just took me some time to see what was going on and admit to myself that the marriage was over. The hardest thing I had to overcome was the thought that I was a failure. I blamed myself for the divorce, mainly because my wife blamed me. But over time I was able to admit to myself that it was not all my fault.

The moment I was able to take responsibility for my role in the marriage I was able to let the denial go. I knew that my wife needed someone to blame to rationalize what she was doing, but I did not have to take it all on.

As I prayed to God, over time, He opened my eyes and helped me to see myself as He sees me. I was able to accept what was happening but I did not like it. When it comes to denial, I guess the best advice I can give is just to let it happen. It is natural and when you are ready your mind will accept it. Continue to pray for yourself, your spouse, and your children. Let God touch your heart and carry you through this time of uncertainty and pain.

The Five Stages of Grief Are

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance