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Divorce Recovery from a Christian Perspective

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What do I do to keep this from happening again?

Depending on your situation you may not be thinking about getting married again. You may just decide to never be married again because of the pain you have gone through. For me I have always wanted to share my life with the woman that God had for me. This time I made the mistake and chose her myself only to see the relationship end with divorce. I still desire to be married, I guess I am still in search of my “best friend”.

Looking back I can see that many of the things that I wanted to do were not the right thing. I thought about getting back in the game as soon as possible. I hoped that I could take what I learned and get through it quickly with the end result being a new better me. Well that is not what happened. I found that when I encountered other woman that I held resentment in my heart. In a way I wanted them to make up for what my ex had done to me. I soon realized that I was not ready to date. Even after a year I am not sure I am ready. The good news is I am getting there. I see and feel God working in my life and I have hope for the future.

When looking to answer the question, “What do I do to keep this from happening again?” I had to admit that there are areas in my life that need to be improved upon. I can’t change who I am but God can and He can make me the man He sees me to be. So many times people that have recently undergone a divorce end up running to someone else bringing with them the same issues. In the long run this isn’t going to work. I can look back and see how much I have grown over the past year and be thankful for not meeting someone right away. The last thing I want to do is go from relationship to relationship. I do miss the companionship on occasion but the feeling passes and I am able to go on another day with the hope that next time I get married it is with the one that God has for me.

In short here is my list of don’ts that I think will help:

  1. Don’t rush into another relationship and take the time to heal.
  2. Don’t hold on to bitterness and unforgiveness it will only harden your heart and pull you away from God.
  3. Don’t deny that there are things that you can improve upon in your life. Ask God what they are and improve upon them. Don’t always take your ex’s word for it. Let God reveal them along with close friends you trust.
  4. Don’t self medicate through drugs, alcohol, or shopping.
  5. Don’t think that you will never be good enough.

It is important for me to remember that God has a plan for me. Sometimes I want things that I am not ready for and I can see what that has brought me. By trying to wait on Him and by letting Him guide my steps I trust that next time it will be for life.

Matthew 6:25-34

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.