Stability – Key Concept to Helping Children after Divorce

Child Stability after Divorce

I’ve had quite a few years to reflect on the effect divorce has had on my daughter. The first year was the hardest, but Madalyn seemed to be quite resilient. Her mother was consistently taking an active role in her life. However, over time, things started going downhill very quickly. My ex-wife became very unstable and began missing her scheduled visitation times, she changed residences over half a dozen times in two years, and she talked of moving to California with a man she barely knew.

The lack of routine and the thought of possibly losing my daughter to another state terrified me, so I decided to get a lawyer. It wasn’t long before I was granted primary custody. I believed it then, and I still believe that I was acting in the best interest of our child, and if I could provide her the stable, loving home she required, then it was my duty to do so. Continue reading “Stability – Key Concept to Helping Children after Divorce”

How to Stop Complaining

how to stop complaining

Have you ever thought you complain too much? Maybe you’ve noticed (or someone has pointed it out) that complaining has become second nature. Honestly, it isn’t your fault, and it’s actually part of how our society is wired. A couple of the big problems with complaining are that it is draining and can hurt the relationships around you. Many people are naturally negative, and our society is geared toward the negative. Any local or national news station tells you that. Most breaking news lead with headlines of doom and gloom and it isn’t very often you hear a story with a positive twist. I know it is hard for me sometimes even to watch the news because I get so angry when I see what people are capable of doing. I can turn uncaring or indifferent because I just don’t know what do with how I am feeling.

As a Christian, I am called to care and to take a different path—a path of love and gratitude without complaining. But it can be difficult to break the habit of complaining, especially if you are going through a rough patch in life.

To better understand complaining and how to stop let’s first take a look at the different types of complainers. See if you can identify which category you can relate to the most.

4 Types of Complainers

  1. The Martyr – This is my favorite, only because it fits me best and nobody is better than I am at throwing a pity party. I also like to call this the poor me mentality.
  2. The Whiner – Since life isn’t fair then I might as well complain about it rather than do something about it mentality.
  3. The Cynic – If it is just going to get dirty again then why to bother cleaning it up and nothing will ever change mentality.
  4. The Perfectionist – Nagging, arguing and complaining are all typical of a perfectionist. If nothing is ever right or your kids are complaining non-stop, ask yourself who their example may be?

How to Stop Complaining in 5 Easy Steps

The first step, and typically the hardest, is admitting there is a problem. Not somebody else’s problem but your problem. Proverbs 28:13 “A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance.”

I can honestly admit, my wife and I have gone a few rounds pointing out some complaining issues in one another. Of course, the typical first response is denial but I know deep down I tend to complain when things aren’t going right or done the way I think they ought to be.

I think of the Israelites in the desert for 40 years after being rescued from slavery in Egypt. It wasn’t very long before they began to complain and think life as a slave would be better than living in the desert. Their grumblings led God to leave them in the desert for 40 years until the generation died off.

Step 2 – Accept responsibility for your own actions. How many times have you heard someone complaining about how terrible their life is because of what another person did? People with a victim mentality have a difficult time accepting responsibility for their actions and blame their own stupid mistakes on others.
For some, it is easier to pass the blame than accept the fact they aren’t in control, that they are being controlled by something or someone. Or they simply refuse to accept responsibility for their actions because they don’t think they are hurting anyone but themselves.
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How to Improve Your Life in 30 Days or Less

how to improve your life in 30 days or less

I don’t think there are many that would pass on the chance to improve their lives in 30 days or less, at least until they realize their state of being is of their making. Life is full of ups and downs, and there is no happiness without sadness. We’ve developed habits and beliefs that stand in our way of fully understanding how life should be and how to feel better about it.

Sometimes people refuse to be happy, and they think everyone is out to get them. Others refuse to be sad and look at life through rose-colored glasses pushing anything negative deep inside. Happiness and sadness are the yin and yang to living a fulfilled life, and you cannot have one without the other.

Consider this: When was the last time you did any maturing or emotional growing? I’d venture to guess it was during a time of great struggle and sadness. If sadness is dealt with properly, it can lead to growth, and improperly it can lead to resentment, bitterness, and self-pity.

On the other hand, happiness isn’t always good. It feels good to be happy but during long periods of happiness there isn’t much growth, and though life feels good you might grow complacent and forget to push yourself to improve. I don’t know about you, but during the good times I seem to push God out and try to take things over on my own. One good reason my good times tend to not last very long.
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How Good Are You at Bouncing Back?

how good are you at bouncing back

Have you noticed that some people bounce back better than others? It’s a proven fact; some people are much more resilient than others. Why is that? Are they just better at handling difficulties in life? In this post, we’re going to look at several possibilities to determine why this is the case and how you can begin to learn how to become more resilient.

When we experience an unexpected trial such as divorce or child custody we might be asking ourselves the wrong questions. So, what are the wrong questions? The questions might include:
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K.I.S.S

keep it simple stupid

Keeping life simple and why you should care.

We’ve all heard the saying, “Keep It Simple Stupid.” But in this day and age, it seems almost impossible to find simplicity in life. We are continually being pulled in twenty different directions and couldn’t be further from living a simple life if we tried.

What is Simplicity?

Simplicity is the state, quality or condition of being easy to understand or do. Freedom from complexity.

Simplistic living doesn’t mean we can’t sign the kids up for soccer, join the PTO, take on additional assignments at work, regularly volunteer at church, or get more done around the house. Simplistic living boils down to asking yourself the following five questions and building rest and reflection into your weekly schedule.
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Surviving Conflict

surviving conflict

We’ve all had our fair share of conflict and surviving it isn’t the difficult part. It’s the overcoming, prevailing, and being victorious over strife that can be a bit tricky. Conflict close to the heart can be even more difficult, especially when it comes to divorce. Broken relationships tend to proceed with months or even years of unresolved conflict. And it’s that unresolved conflict that can eventually lead to divorce. Contrary to what a lot of people think, you don’t just walk away from your marriage and leave conflict behind, especially if children are involved. If you want to truly survive conflict, you need to learn how to overcome it.
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Journaling – Is It Really That Important?

journaling

I used to journal all the time. In fact, this website was created because of my journaling when I was going through a divorce. That was a long time ago, and I have come a long way. But for the past year, I have stopped journaling. I’ve been telling myself that I am a bad writer and can’t write. Obviously, I’m no John Grisham or but I don’t need to be to journal – neither do you.

I find it baffling how quickly things can change in my life. The last person I remember being was this happy, positive, semi-loving, and sensitive kind of guy. But now I am filled with resentment, fear, selfishness, cold-heartedness…and I think I better stop there or risk passing the point of no return. As I look back over the past year, I find it difficult to see many of the positive points. How can that be? I have a lot of challenges, but my life has never been better.

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Best Time to Celebrate the Holiday

best time to celebrate the holiday

For me, the best time to celebrate the holidays is when they are over! Yes, you heard me right; over, finished, done, concluded, ended, OVER. Okay, I realize that it might sound like I am bitter or a Scrooge when it comes to the holiday season but I find it exhausting. The routine I cherish is shot to heck with the chaos of the go, go, go busyness of the holidays. And what’s with all the people? Where do all these people come from? The introvert within is screaming for some quiet alone time.

You should have seen the look my wife gave me after we opened our Christmas gifts and I asked if we could take the tree down. Come on now! It’s time to restore some degree of normalcy, right? After weeks of gluttony and being forced to eat everything set before me, I am now “encouraged” to go on a diet… really? Wife, you helped create the bulge around my middle so you might as well love it as I have grown to love it.
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The Not So Silent Killer of Hope

the not so silent killer of hope

I’m certainly no stranger to mistakes. I made plenty when I was married to my first wife, and I continue to test the waters. When I slipup, which I do daily, there is no one harder on me than myself. It’s very easy for me to start asking the ‘what if’ question, “What if I would have done this instead of that?”

Obviously, it’s easy to look back and see how you could have handled the situation differently but living in a ‘what if’ world can rob you of having any hope for the future. It pollutes your mind and your relationships – What If, Kills HOPE!

I’m all for learning from mistakes and trying to avoid them in the future, but so often people get stuck in the past. My biggest hang-up is thinking about all the poor decisions I made when I was in high school and early twenties. OMG! If only I would have made different choices then maybe I could retire early or be the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company. The possibilities are endless. What if????

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