Christian
Divorce Recovery
Touched by Grace
For many years I have been a Christian and sought after what I
thought so many people had. It seemed genuine Christians were filled
with joy and did not have a worry in the world. To me this revolved
around the feeling of being loved by God. I was unable to understand or
even feel what God’s love was. I thought in order to experience the joy,
freedom, and love that I had to measure up to worldly standards, my
standards. I had to be a “good” Christian, one that did not think the
thoughts or do the things that I did.
It was not too long ago when my spouse chose to end our marriage and
file for divorce. As you can expect I was devastated not to mention
angry and confused. I spent day after day asking God to exercise His
limitless power and save my marriage. Of course this was something that
God would not do, He gave us all free will and to change that would be
against what God truly is. As time went on I grew more and more angry at
my soon to be ex spouse. I could not understand why she would not let
God heal our marriage or why she was so determined to end it. Unknown to
me at the time there was a third person involved. Anyhow, during this
time of great distress I would cry out to God.
In the midst of one of these sessions I was reflecting a bit on my
feelings and anger towards my soon to be ex. I thought, “how she could
do this to me and our little girl?” I would do anything only if I could
just stay close to my daughter and it was when I was thinking about how
terrible she was I was blown away with the love of God. As I prayed I
ended up praying for my ex, not that our marriage would be restored but
that she would run to God. God showed me that she was lost and that the
enemy had a strong foothold on her and that she was not the enemy. I was
overwhelmed with love in my heart for her and even for myself. I was
able to let go of all the blame that I was holding against her and
towards myself. At that moment I felt closer to God than I ever felt.
Sure it was one of the worst times in my life but for once I felt loved,
I felt hope, and I felt that no matter what I do that God does love me.
The marriage still ended and yet I still try to hold on to that feeling.
It has been over a year now and just knowing that God loves me for who I
am is comforting. He knows my weaknesses and He knows that I will make
mistakes but as long as I am there to receive His forgiveness and love
then I will be triumphant and that is what grace is all about. You can’t
earn it and you can’t take it, it has to be given and God is giving it
abundantly.