Christian
Divorce Recovery
Working Through a Divorce
I don’t think that anyone that gets married plans on it ending in
divorce. Yet over 35% of all marriages will end in divorce for one
reason or another. Some studies show that figure closer to 50%. Whether
it is 35% or 50% both are staggering and odds I don’t like to see unless
I am playing the lottery.
So what do you do? To start with, if you are faced with divorce, you
should know that you are not alone. Divorce tends to be a traumatic
event that can have devastating effects on individuals and/or families.
Don’t try to handle everything on your won. Reach out to family,
friends, or professional counselors. Simply talking things out can have
a healing effect. Often times we are faced with the question, “Why did
this happen?” Early on in the divorce process this can be a question
whose answer is hard to find but short of a disastrous or abusive
relationship the answer will revolve around the party that chose to end
the marriage and file for divorce. Often this is because that person is
selfish and immature, lacking the tools to make a marriage work. Of
course it takes two to fight and even make up but it only takes one to
throw in the towel and quit.
No marriage or person for that matter is without their faults. Take the
time to conduct a self examination and look for areas of improvement
instead of pointing out your ex’s faults. Your time will be much better
spent.
Taking the time to heal is very important. Without it you are setting
yourself up to go down the same path. Often times a person who has gone
through a divorce will experience the 5 cycles of the grief model.
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
Deal with each phase as it comes, if you are not familiar with the grief
model you can find a lot of good information through the Internet.
Remember you are not a failure because you are divorced or you failed at
the marriage and it is not the unforgivable sin. Life does go on and
things will improve over time. The more you seek out good counsel and
refrain from bitterness and self pity the better off you will be.
Many times individuals that are recently divorced will look to starting
new romantic relationships. Maybe your former spouse already has someone
new, no matter the reason refrain from them. It will only slow down the
healing process and could potentially make things worse down the road.
If you think that a 35% to 50% divorce rate is bad it is more like 70%
for second marriages. This is largely due to the fact that recently
divorced individuals don’t take the time to heal and address the issues
that contributed to the previous marriage failing. Being alone for
awhile is not so bad especially if you know that the payoff in the end
will be worth the wait and the loneliness does go away.