Recent Posts From My Single Parent Blog
The Difference Bewteen Wanting and Being
Ever since the divorce I have found myself striving to be better; a better person, a better christian, a better father, a better provider, and the list goes on and on. And each and everyday I am faced with the reality that I am NOT better. To make things worse I see that I am alone and lonely, up to my ears in debt, have a stressfull job, and the worst of all, lack parenting skills. I find that much of my time is spent wanting and planning, "If I just could have my debt paid off I would be happy" or "if I could meet a nice woman to spend time with I would be happy."
So here is to self-help books!!! I have a choice and I talk about choosing how one can feel all the time yet I don't take my own advice or it is short lived. The time has come to be proactive and to change myself from the inside. I want to be a man of character and values. Maybe if I can change my outlook on life then maybe, just maybe, I can feel God in my life and learn to trust. I always thought of myself as a "giver" but in reality I am a "taker". ME ME ME...
I will be loving!
I will be patient!
I will be happy!
I will be frugal!
I will be ....
And Yet Another Blog
Some might think that I don't have a day job with all this blogging I do but the fact of the matter it gives me something to do on those lonely sleepness nights. Recently, I purchased a camera and I am loving getting out and taking pictures... Madalyn and I are finding new and interesting places to go. She is even pretty good with a camera herself. However she took one of me from behind, without my shirt, and it revealed how fat I am. :-(
Here are my cool photos: http://favoritephotos.wordpress.com/
Reminds me of the 2AM Feeding
The past couple months I have had the pleasure of having Madalyn with me almost 90% of the time. Several weeks agao I decided that things were stable enough here to try and get Madalyn to sleep in her own bed. Before, I was scared and kept putting it off. She has had to share a bed at her moms and she was just used to it and frankly, so was I. But she is a big girl now and she NEEDS to be in her room.
The past 3 weeks have been going well. The only real downside is every night about 2am she cries and I come running. All it takes is about a minute and half laying with her till things are quiet again. I guess my only concern is that this is consistant. I hope it stops soon because I am worn out. Work is stressful, money is tight and I never used to be much of a good sleeper. This is just adding more to the load that I am carrying around and I am pooped.
Fun vs Work
The difference between fun at the age 3 and lets just say 30 something can be very different.
Over the weekend I bought Madalyn a bike helmet and it came with elbow and knee pads, they are pretty much useless because they are to small but Madalyn thinks the knee pads are pretty cool. "Why?" you ask well now she can be like daddy and scrub the floor on her hands and knees like me.
She was able to really get a chuckle out of me when her mom came over and she showed her the new knee pads. Mom said, "cool are those so you can ride your bike?" Madalyn looked at her mom, a little puzzled, and said, "No for cleaning the floor." Okay so now mom gives me this weird look and I just said, "somebody has too."
I'm sorry but that just busted me up. To Madalyn it was cool to help me wash the floors. I know it won't last but it is cute.
Parenting Style Under Fire
Recently my parenting style has been under fire by my ex. I understand the need for good communication and consistency for Madalyn but the issues that are being brought to my attention seem relatively minor.
I guess to begin with I really don’t have a parenting style… I am doing the best I can and most of it is shooting from the hip. Like a lot of people out there I work full time and work hard to provide for my kid. I make mistakes each and every day but I try.
The past few weeks Madalyn’s mom has not been around much. Madalyn has been living with me full-time and I am truly blessed. During this time “mom” has taken Madalyn to a couple places where her behavior was inappropriate and I got all the blame. Apparently she acted the way she did because of how I interact with her and parent her, at least that is what mom said.
Incident (1) – They were at church and Madalyn was grabbing at a gentleman’s pants. Granted maybe not the best thing she should be doing yet the way I got it was I am to blame because of how I horse around with her. “WHATEVER!” I remember Madalyn doing that to a salesman at the store when I bought my camera. She grabbed his leg and was hiding from me. It startled both of us but I dealt with it and that was it…
Incident (2) – They went to dinner and Madalyn would not sit down and eat. She bothered others and embarrassed mom. Boy don’t I know it. This is one reason why Madalyn and I don’t eat out much. She has a tendency to not be able to sit still. Her and I are working on this and she has gotten better because she knows there will be consequences. Yet the way I got is was it was my fault because I don’t have enough dinnertime structure at home. Like I said before I try and it always seems like there is something that needs to get done so I cram all I can in the time I have. Yes, I eat and watch about 27 minutes of television at the same time. I could use some dinner time and eating out tips if anyone has any.
Honestly, I don’t know how to take it. I am tired of being blamed for everything, yet I should be used to it. I think Madalyn is a wonderful 3 year old little girl. She does have areas that I want to improve on but she is a darn good kid, most of the time. And I think I am doing the best that I can and I really don’t think I should be criticized by a person whom takes part in her daughters life on an inconsistent basis.
Feeling the Pinch at the Pump
It seems oil prices are continually hitting new highs. It seems like just yesterday they were $50 a barrel, now they are closer to $140. Someone is making money and all I know for sure it is not me.
Luckily I don’t have to do a lot of travel with Madalyn. All the parks and pools we could ever need are within walking distance but I still do feel the sting of high gas prices. I have seen some stories out there of people conserving fuel and getting the most per gallon, some of which I don’t think are very safe.
Here are some tips to save money at the pump that I have found to be most useful.
1. Lighten the load in the car, get rid of unnecessary weight that weighs the car down.
2. I use the cheapest gas possible.
3. Use gas rewards cards and take advantage of the savings they offer.
4. Cut back on driving.
5. Plan your trips using Google Maps to cut out unnecessary driving. Develop the most efficient route.
Song for the Day - Fade Away
Madalyn just went to her mom's and the quietness is good and bad. It was kind of funny because she was itching to go. She has been with me for 3 weeks straight and I think she was in the mood to get away. She telling her mom, "lets go". It was like if they did not leave right away then they may not leave together. Actually, that may be the case with her mom... You never know.
Anyhow here is a song to keep things rockin! Place your cursor over the play button and right click.
Plugging Along
Things have been going exremely well lately. God has answered my prayers and I am spending a considerable more time with Madalyn. It has been a blessing even though I am unable to get things done. I must admit I don't know how you single moms do it. I think I have read somewhere that woman are much better multi-taskers than men. There may be some truth in that... :-)
Letting Go and Moving On
One of my recent posts talked about everything being quiet between my ex and I. It is kind of funny because I have been doing a lot of praying about being able to see Madalyn more and WHAM! not long after putting the post on my blog I get a call. Mom is not going to be able to get Madalyn for the week. The week ends and I get another call, this time mom is crying, still not going to be able to get Madalyn.
Come to find out my ex is having problems with finding affordable living accommodations and paying her bills. This has been going on for several months now but I thought she had it all worked out. Anyhow, Madalyn is with me and I am feeling a little guilty. I know the kid misses her mom and I need to put the kid first. So I invited mom to come get Madalyn and go get her hair cut, go out for ice cream, and then go out to dinner, my treat. You should have seen the kids face when mom showed up at the door. She was so cute and a little shocked. She didn’t know how to respond with mom and dad in the same room.
It was cute and sad at the same time. I guess if I am ever to find another wife I better get over my resentment of my ex. I have been keeping distance between us because I can’t forgive her for what she did and being around her makes me sick to my stomach. But that is selfish and that is my problem that I have given over to God. I am ready to move on! If I can bring a smile to Madalyn’s face the way her mom did that Saturday then it is worth letting go.
Please pray that I will forgive my ex and myself and be able to put the past behind me. I am ready to see what God has in store for me, I am ready to receive it! I want to let someone else into my life so I can love even more. I need someone to help keep me in my place. :-)
I Want to be a Stay at Home Dad
When I was married I was working hard to make it so my wife could be a stay at home mom. The problem was she or we had to much debt that made it impossible, at least for the short term. Everything was in place and I had a 3-year plan to change it all.
Well now it has been almost 2-years since we parted ways and I am no better off financially. And to top it off I find that I wish I could work at home and be a stay at home dad. Is it normal for a guy to want to be with his child so much? Sure there are times she drives me crazy but I love the stuffing out of her.
Kind of silly, huh? I don't think of remarrying and trying to provide the opportunity for my next wife to stay at home. I want it for myself... :-) I guess in that case I know I would appreciate it unlike my previous wife. What I learned from that experience is that, "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished."
Communication with Mom
Over the past several weeks things have been very quiet between me and the ex. No late night calls to come get Madalyn, no call reminding me what a terrible guy I am, nothing... Yes, I know this is a good thing, as you guessed there is a "but". Those annoyances provided me with the opportunity to see Madalyn more than my normal time.
I still get her 50% but it used to be more. The problem I have is that I realized that I am, for a lack of a better term, scared. I miss Madalyn a lot and I would like to talk to her on the phone but I don't want to call because I would have to talk to her mom. So I sit, saddened and discouraged wondering why I just don't pick up the phone and call.
I haven't even called to talk about Madalyn's biting at daycare. The real sad thing is I know this shouldn't be a big deal. I have dealt with so much more and worse. I should know better!
“But Daddy, I Don’t Want to Take a Nap”
A tired grumpy little girl starts to make her way over to daddy. Inch by inch she gets closer. I insist that she is tired but she just won’t hear it. She is adamant about not being tired or needing a nap. But daddy knows better, plus daddy DOES need a nap.
Next thing I know I have this silent sleeping beauty leaning against my arm knocked out to the world. “Not tired huh?” I whisper in her ear.
There is something special about moments like these. Sure I’ve seen Madalyn fall asleep in her high chair or at her coloring desk. Both are cute and make me smile, however the times when she falls asleep on daddy really warms my heart. Granted the hour before was no picnic.
Ahhh, now its time to put my feet up, run my hand through her hair, smile big, and close my eyes…
New Blog - Boise Idaho Blog
Well I am going to try my luck with a new blog. I don't know if I have the time to pull it off but we will see. I hope to add a lot of pictures from my new hobby. If anyone is interested in Boise Idaho they can check out my Boise Idaho Blog.
I Got a New Camera!!
Does Madalyn Have a Rival?
Last week was fairly interesting... I would pick Madalyn up from daycare and I would hear a story of how she got in trouble for biting one day. Then Friday the manager talks to me about Madalyn biting and hitting. I was not very happy but then again I knew exactly who to blame, the person who broke the family unit up!
Yes, I am going through one of them phases.
Madalyn opened up to me one night and told me the story of how one of the kids would not let her pass on the playground so apparently she bit him. Later I come to find out that it was the same child she had bit before. Now of course I want to blame her mom but I think the reality may be that Madalyn and this other kid are either in love or simply don't care for one another. I guess I am leaning towards this is kids will be kids and we will get through it. For awhile I envisioned tales of disaster.
I hope it passes.
Behavior Chart Update
I have been using the chart for a few days now and it is doing okay. Madalyn has already learned to manipulate it by saying "thankyou" alot to put a sticker on that section. Don't worry I am not giving in and letting her have her rewards until she has really earned it...
Behavior Chart for Madalyn
A recent comment from a visitor has inspired me to put together a behavior chart so... HERE it is. I hope I did not go over board but I am really excited to give it a try. I wish Madalyn was here right now. (She would probably tear it off the wall :-( )
It has 3 parts: The first section is for basic habits I am trying to encourage, like handwashing, using "please" and "thankyou", and not throwing a fit.
The next section deals with when Madalyn does good thing like put her clothes in the dirty hamper or her shoes in the closet. She is kind of funny and I don't know where she gets it but I can be walking in house after her and she immediately begins leaving a trail of clothes, shoes, etc to her room. Messy little girl :-) She can color or put a sticker in the spot on the lady bug. Once it is complete she will get a treat.
Next 'SURVIVOR' Series Email
Six men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean , correct all homework ,complete science projects , cook , do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money. In addition , each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives , and send cards out on time.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment , a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.
He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend , evening , on a holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation).
He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house , planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.
Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks , a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.
Each man must adorn himself with jewelry , wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes , stay thin & fit , have perfect hair, keep their fingernails & toenails polished and maintain removal of unwanted hair.
The men must try to get through each day without snot , spit-up or barf on their clothing.
During one of the six weeks , the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, backaches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr-old boy finds it in the purse.
They must attend weekly school meetings, church , and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting .
He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth , and length of labour, each child's favorite color , middle name, favorite snack, favorite long, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.
They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.
They must have a loving , age appropriate reply to , 'You're not the boss of me'.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.
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I got a kick out of this. It wears me out just reading it. I especially like the part about making getting through the day without snot on the clothing. Everytime I have Madalyn I show up to work with a spot on my shoulder.
Got Visitors
We had a nice surprise recently and grandma and grandfather paid Madalyn and I a visit. It is always nice to see Madalyn interact with them. She does such a good job it makes me wonder whos kid she is.
She got a new princess crown and some other play stuff so now I have to call her "princess". Silly little girl. Lately she acts more like a bully than a princess. We went to a wedding reception and the kids were dancing, sort of, on the dance floor and Madalyn grabs this little girl and shoves her on the ground. I could not believe what I just saw... We left after that and she would not discuss it with me as "why" she did it. She simply threw a fit for having to leave. I feel like I am losing her.
Is this part of being 3 or am I doing something wrong? I try to discipline her and it doesn't always work but I am trying to be consistent. She has even started to taunt me about spanking her butt. She sticks it out and and says, "spank me daddy." I can't believe it, SHE IS 3.
To Spank or Not to Spank?
Here is a new one for me but I imagine that almost every parent has had to deal with at some point. The TEMPER TANTRUM… I have seen Madalyn throw her fits but last night was one I never have seen before. I considered spanking her little butt. I mean she went from room to room throwing herself down on the ground screaming. This went on for 20 minutes. I know first you are thinking “Jason how could you let this go on for so long?”
She just would not stop or listen to me. It brought back memories of me as a child. I fear the worst. She is going to be stubborn like her daddy. After last night I realized that I may not be in control and she is testing me. With all the controversy on spanking I was not sure what to do. I don’t want to hurt her but the bible says “…spare the rod, spoil the child.” Actually the bible has a lot to say on the subject "Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell."
Now I know the term above “beat” does not mean to beat her but I don’t want to get in trouble as well. So I did some research and this is what I have come up with as my solution and as always I like feedback…
"While spanking is not illegal, bruising or otherwise injuring a child is. But what about mild spanking as a corrective measure? Is it a good idea? Spanking works best when coupled with other disciplinary measures, such as "time out." Research regarding behavior modification of children ages 2 to 6 found that spanking a child two times on either the rear or thigh helped improve compliance with "time out" for misbehavior. These children were more likely to remain in their room after acting up if a potential spank followed if they left before the time was up. Furthermore, pairing reasoning with a spanking in the toddler years delayed misbehavior longer than did either reasoning or spanking alone. Reasoning linked with a spank was also more effective compared with other discipline methods. Talking with the child about what behavior is expected and why-with the potential of a follow-up spank-worked best.
According to Physician magazine, spanking should be used selectively for clear, deliberate misbehavior, especially a child's persistent defiance of a parent. It should be used only when the child receives at least as much praise for good behavior as correction for problem behavior. Verbal correction, time out and logical consequences should be used initially, followed by spanking when noncompliance persists. Only a parent should administer a spanking, not another person. Spanking should never be administered on impulse or when a parent is out of control. Parents sometimes need a time out too. Spanking is inappropriate before 15 months of age, should be less necessary after 6 years, and rarely, if ever, used after 10 years of age. Spanking should always be administered in private. Appropriate spanking only leaves temporary redness of skin, and never bruises or injures. Spanking works, but must be used thoughtfully and carefully in conjunction with other disciplinary measures. "
Source http://www.tldm.org/news6/child.discipline.htm
A Good Sign
I think I may be raising a prepared daughter. Not only does she carry her chapstic, comb, and other essentials in her purse but she also carries an extra pair of underwear. What a good little girl. Now I just hope she got them out of her closet and not the dirty clothes. ha-ha.
What fun she is, kids can be very amazing or maybe I am easy to amaze.
God Bless
Dad's New Slippers
Someone Set Me Straight
Here it is another Friday and I am contemplating my extreme selfishness... Madalyn is with her mother and I am going stir crazy. Let me remind everyone that it has been about a year and a half since my ex left and I can't remember a day when I have not missed that little "stinker-buuug" (I am referring to Madalyn not my ex).
I often pray that I would be the only parent in Madalyn's life, that she would be with me ALL the time. I know that is selfish and maybe not the best thing for Madalyn. I know she needs her mom but I HATE it when she is not here. So Jason why don't you get a hobby better yet how about a life that doesn't revovle around a 3 year old.
Well I have a hobby which is a home business, I go to work, I go to church, volunteer on occassion, read, write, watch scifi, and every now and then hang out with friends. But with all this I miss Madalyn. Maybe I need a wife.... hmmmm! Something to consider. Okay, I feel better, just needed to vent. :-)
Understanding Little Girls
A couple weeks ago Madalyn and I were talking about something, I forget what, but we started to discuss necklaces. I told her I could make her a nice one if she wanted and of course she was excited and wanted me too. Right then and there! It took me a week to really get it done and I told her it was ready, (she sounded so excited). So she comes over to my home and I present it to her. We put it on and 10 minutes later it has to come off…
So here is my dilemma, she brings over a necklace she received from her mom and it was one of those ones you get in a happy meal or something. This necklace she had to wear all the time, not to mention she wanted to sleep with it. It is like this with other knickknacks too. It seems that when I present her with gifts it is no big deal but when they come from here mom it is like WOW, “can’t go without.”
WHY is that?
BTW just call me MR. SENSITIVE!!
Chewing Gum!!!
Sunday night my ex brings Madalyn over to my home and here walks in this 3 year old smacking her gum like a teenager. Not only do I look at the kid like, "what the heck are you doing" but I look at her mother as well. Gum chewing at 3! I was SHOCKED to say the least.
Apparently she has been doing it for weeks. She has been offered gum before and I have turned it down saying she is only 3, so NO thanks.
However, she made it most of the night chewing on that gum. It didn't resemble gum when we threw it away but it was all there. She had to of had it in her mouth for hours. She never swallowed it. So now I am sitting here thinking how much my little girl has grown... What's next, Prom?
I hope I am not being to protecting...
Visit my blog: Parenting as a Single Christian Dad for more posts.