I remember what it was like to be lonely, every riveting moment of it. The long hours that would sometimes seem like days and the lonely nights. It is hard to talk about being lonely with others, many times people don’t seem to understand the impact loneliness is having on your life because they’ve either forgotten or haven’t suffered through a divorce. To better cope with loneliness you need to understand it.
Loneliness is an emotional state. In this state, regular people such as you and I experience a disconnection from people around us which leads to deep feelings of emptiness.
Loneliness can strike in at any time, whether you are in a large crowd or by yourself. Loneliness should not be confused with being alone. Being alone can be good from time to time. Loneliness on the other hand usually involves self-pity which isn’t fruitful at all.
Continue reading “The Loneliness Cure”
The holiday season is upon us, and it used to be a time of joy and love but after divorce, especially a fresh divorce, it is a time of sadness, loneliness, and despair. I wish I could tell you how to get rid of the feelings you are having, but I am still trying to figure it out for myself. Coping with holidays after the divorce has been difficult for me especially since my ex-left 5 days before Christmas, but I can say that it does get easier over time.
I can also say that there are things that you can do to help manage the stress and loneliness of the holidays. For starters, if you have family that you can visit then consider doing so. It may not take away the loneliness completely, but it can help. If you find yourself alone you can reach out via the phone and contact people that are important to you – the key is to remember that you are not alone. There are countless people feeling the same way as you are, consider seeking them out.
Continue reading “Coping with the Holidays after Divorce”
One major obstacle I had to overcome after the divorce was the uncanny ability to see things that I didn’t want to see, things that would tend to bring me down rather than lift me up.
For example; sitting in church minding my own business I just happen to notice the couple up front snuggling next to one another, looking at each other lovingly, and enjoying the service. Or being at the park with my daughter and I notice the families enjoying the day together. Or as I am driving home I pass a nice house with people my age standing in front of it, and it must have cost $500,000.
Damn it! This was supposed to be my life… I had the wife and child, and we were well on our way to having a good middle-class life. After my wife left, I felt like I lost everything. Things simply weren’t happening the way I had planned, and for some reason, it was all I could see. I was coveting in a major way and boy was I jealous.
Continue reading “I Don’t Want to See That”
Life after divorce is challenging especially if you are going to refrain from running out and starting a new relationship or drinking your sorrows away, which we all know simply makes things worse. After my divorce, and from time to time over the years, I come across a phenomenon that drives me crazy. It happens at church, in the grocery store, at the park, driving down the street, and watching tv. It hits me from nowhere and nearly brings me to tears, sometimes it does.
What I am talking about is loneliness or the sense of loss or what could have been. Consider this – Sitting in a church service all is going well, and the couple in front of you seem to be having a grand time as she gently rubs her husband’s back. Then you start looking around, and the whole damn place is filled with couples… they all seem so happy and even look the same age as you are. What the heck is going on, why can’t I have this?
Continue reading “Couples, Couples Everywhere”