Submitted by Karen

whats god doing in your life

I found out in November ‘09, that my husband was having an ongoing emotional affair with a woman at church that we were in ministry with. She claimed (pushed) to be my friend and the church treated them like indispensable hero’s. Even thought it was funny how most people thought “they were married”, because they made such a great team. When this affair came out, they were both loved, supported and protected by the key church leaders. I was treated like the sinner and scolded if I even raised my voice at my husband or showed any anger or feelings. Even when my husband went against the agreement to sever all contact in order to stay in ministry, and months later he admitted that they didn’t, he was still able to stay and serve. He has treated me with such cruelty and anger for months as I did what I was told. “Love him back”. He crammed it down my throat about his feelings, connection and attraction to this woman. How much they wanted to act on the feelings physically, and would have if the six people in the church had not (separately) gone forward with concerns. He says these feelings are something he never felt for me. He has insisted on a divorce from the minute this affair became known. The other woman finally told her husband (four months later) and she is also insisting on a divorce now. Her husband is getting the same treatment from the church. They won’t even meet with him.
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Adjusting to Divorce

Adjusting to Divorce

Many divorces end because of infidelity in the marriage, my wife left me a week before Christmas and moved in with another man. I was completely clueless! While she was out having a good time with her new found love I was home heartbroken trying to figure out what the heck had happened, alone and miserable. Part of me was jealous that she already had another person to share her time with. I wanted to run out and get into a new relationship as well, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was a bad idea. My intentions would have been entirely selfish, and my emotional state was unhealthy thus leading to an unhealthy relationship.

Some research that I found on the Internet suggests that it can take 2 to 3 years to adapt to divorce, longer if illness or job loss occurs during the same period. To be quite honest I can see that to be true. This coming December will be my 3-year mark, and I can honestly say that I feel good, I feel like really getting to know someone in a healthy manner, and I feel like the evaluation and work I have done on myself has paid off.
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Stress of Divorce

stress of divorce

I remember getting married and how stressful that seemed. Tying that (so-called) life commitment, making everything perfect, managing the guests, band, caterer, etc. I think at this point I could have listed getting married as one of the most stressful times of my life. But little did I know the stress involved with dissolving a marriage. I found a neat little blurb about managing stress after divorce from the Iowa State University. It made some good points, and I know that I experienced what it talks about, never really thought about it though.

It focuses on three points; 1) restructuring the family, 2) loss of significant relationships and possessions, and 3) the need to establish a new identity.
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