Could it be that the death of love starts soon after marriage? Studies show that relationships begin to change within the first two years of marriage that could start couples down the road to divorce. I don’t think it is so much the death of love but the death of unrealistic expectations and romantic delusions. Naturally, when we get married, we have hopes of how the marriage with our spouse will be. But what happens when marriage isn’t like the movies or our spouse doesn’t quite live up to being perfect? We grow disillusioned with unmet expectations, and our thoughts, feelings, and behavior begin to change. Disappointment can lead to thoughts of doubt which turns to finger pointing and blaming. If we feel less love than we did in the beginning, we can fight and argue which adds stress to the relationship.
Continue reading “The Death of Love”
Recently, I completed listening to Gary Chapman talk about “The 5 Love Languages” (Book on Audio CD). As a side note I am pleasantly surprised at how quickly I was able to get through the book with only a short morning and afternoon commute to work. I am definitely going to add books on CD to my routine.
Back to the story, as I listened, I got to thinking about how important it is to me not to repeat mistakes from the past. I never want to go through a divorce again nor do I want my partner ever to feel that I don’t love her or she isn’t important to me because that is contrary to how I feel. I realize now that although I thought I was a good husband by cooking, cleaning, mowing the lawn, washing the cars and other household chores, so my wife did not have to I was doing more harm than good. In fact, I was pushing her away. I wasn’t filling her “love tank” as Dr. Chapman puts it. I was exhausted, bitter and angry because my wife was not appreciative of my efforts. Eventually, my wife felt her needs could be better met elsewhere and moved on. I am sure there were many other things which contributed to the resolution of our marriage but let me offer a bit of advice. If there is a chance in hell to save your marriage, I suggest you swallow your pride, put away the bitterness read The 5 Love Languages (or listen to it) and give it a try.
Continue reading “The Power of Love”
Love is putting others before yourself. Love is finding forgiveness for others regardless of how they have wronged you. Love is loving God more than you love yourself. Love is putting your feelings aside so that God can work in a situation. Love is letting go of someone so that God can work in them. Love is letting yourself cry instead of holding it in. Love is.
Continue reading “What is Love”
Time and time again you see marriages end because one person says they don’t love their spouse anymore. Since when did loving one’s spouse become an option? Do we wake up one day and decide today is the day we stop loving them, no it happens over time with failed communication, selfish desires, and false expectations.
What about our children – when they get minds of their own and rebel do we simply walk away? No, we love them until the bitter end or to sweet victory.
This concept that “love” is a feeling needs to be put to rest. Love is not a feeling; it is something that is done on purpose and by choice. It might not be returned as you would like but that still doesn’t change the fact that it is up to you on how you show your love and even receive it. When you show someone you love them you put them first and expect nothing in return. Over time it is only natural to receive love. I know this is all easier said than done with all the influences around us but I think it is when we allow an unhealthy balance between the world and God that we lose the perspective of what love is.
Continue reading “Love is a Choice”