There are several pitfalls when it comes to remarrying after divorce. We tell ourselves that this time around we aren’t going to make the same mistakes; hopefully, that is true. However, many people seek out new relationships based on their previous standards. Some people, particularly men, are driven by physical attraction. Men are visual creatures, and if they like what they see they tend to pursue it, but if this is their main criteria for a mate, it could backfire. Studies show that marriages based on physical attraction will end by year 5 unless something more develops.
Marriage requires friendship and communication; if you marry based on physical attraction these two criteria may not be satisfied and the marriage will eventually suffer. Physical attraction doesn’t hold a marriage together.
Continue reading “What Holds a Marriage Together?”
After the divorce, it is difficult to imagine being able to love someone again, especially if your previous partner left a lot of wounds. But eventually we begin to heal, the pain goes away and the desire to love returns. However, we need to make sure that our loneliness does not guide the desire to love. Loneliness has a way of pushing people to get into new relationships with the wrong people for the wrong reasons. Finding true love after divorce means dealing with the loneliness as it comes and not letting it interfere with meeting the right person that God has in store.
It was over 3 years before I seriously started dating and met the most amazing woman that is now my wife. It took a long time before I was confident in myself and knew what I needed in a spouse, however, because I was patient (it wasn’t always easy) I know I avoided making several big mistakes.
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A large percentage of Christians remarry after divorce, and guess what? The majority will end up divorcing for the second time. I know that I never want to go through a divorce ever again. However, I do long to be a family, to give and receive love and spend countless hours gazing into my spouse’s eyes while holding her close. Marriage is one of the greatest relationships two people can have, and unfortunately, even with the best intentions, we can screw it up.
I’ve learned that it takes two to make a marriage work and that I played a role in the failure of my first marriage. My faults, insecurities and destructive behavior contributed to the dysfunction of the relationship. After the divorce I was very lonely and wanted a relationship with another woman badly; however, I knew that unless I worked on my weaknesses and mistakes, I would be destined to repeat them.
I was not able to fix all my faults, but I was able to recognize them and admit when I was wrong. I know I can never be perfect, but one thing I am now that I wasn’t before is; realistic. During my first marriage, I had unrealistic expectations and didn’t have the slightest clue about what it takes to make a marriage work.
Continue reading “Remarriage after Divorce”