Life is much different with the other half gone. Nothing seems to feel the same and things are awkward at times. There were so many days I did not know what to do with myself; I did not know what to do with my time at home, with my relationships and I felt my future was uncertain. Every feeling I had would often overwhelm me and put me into a depression. Confusion was a state of mind that I soon became accustomed too.
As the shock of the separation and divorce started to lift, I could see God working on me, in me. I turned my thoughts to what do I need to do to build my relationship with God. Before, I was trying to hold on to a marriage that could not be saved. It was time to let go and let God lead the way.
As I began to restore my relationship with God, I was able to find the answer, and along the way, God revealed to me character flaws and false beliefs that I needed to change. As I took the focus away from my ex and placed it on me I was able to see areas for self-improvement. If I wanted to make a better life for myself and my daughter it was important that I follow up in these areas and learn to let God change my heart.
I knew I had to move on with my life, but I was scared of what might happen next time I met a woman and began to consider remarriage after divorce; would it fall apart again? The only way to ensure that I did not make the same mistakes twice was to become emotional and spiritually healthy, change my character, false beliefs, confessing my sin and understand what it meant to be a Christian.
I spent time in the Word, in prayer, with other Christians and reading self-help books. I began to grow and to see hope for my future when there used to be none. I was able to forgive my ex and focus on rebuilding my life after divorce. I am not trying to be the perfect man or change who I am because I can’t, of course with God’s help I can be better but God made me the way I am, and until I am with Him in heaven, I will be flawed. However, I can learn to love better by learning to receive God’s love, and I can communicate better by learning how to listen. I am trying to understand what it takes to make a relationship work; I owe it to myself, my daughter and future wife to strive to be emotionally, spiritually, and physically healthy creating a better version of myself.
The short answer to the question, “What do I do after divorce?” would be to look inward and focus on your relationship with God while receiving His love and grace. Remember that God has a plan for you and He loves you very much, so run to Him. Forgive your ex and forgive yourself!
1 John 4:16
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.