What Do I Do Now

Life is so much different with the other half gone. Nothing seems to feel the same and things are just awkward. I did not know what to do, I did not know what to do with my time at home, with my relationships, or even with myself. Every feeling I had would often overwhelm me and put me in a state of depression. Confusion was a state of mind that I soon became accustom too.

As the shock of the separation and divorce started to lift, I could see God working on me, in me. I turned my thoughts to what do I need to do to build my relationship with God? Before, I was consistently trying to do things that would benefit me by trying to hold on to a marriage that could not be saved. It was time to let go and let God lead the way.

As I began to restore my relationship with God I was able to find the answer and a long the way God revealed to me character flaw after character flaw. By taking the focus away from my ex and placing it on me I was able to see areas for improvement. If I wanted to make a better life for myself it was important that I follow up in these areas and learn to let God change my heart.

I had to move on with my life but I was scared of what might happen next time and the only way to ensure that I did not make the same mistake twice was to be a better Christian and to better understand what it means to be a Christian.

I spent time in the Word, in prayer, and with other Christians receiving counseling. I began to grow and to see hope for my future when there used to not be any. I was able to forgive my ex spouse and move on with my life. I am not trying to be the perfect man or change who I am because I can’t, of course with God’s help I can be better but God made me the way I am and until I am with Him in heaven I will be flawed. However, I can learn to love better by learning to receive God’s love and I can communicate better by learning how to listen. I am trying to understand what it takes to make a relationship work, I know I have a lot to answer for and I want to provide for my next spouse a better version of myself.

The short answer to the question, “What do I do now?” would be to look inward and not outward. Focus on your relationship with God and receive His love and grace. Remember that God has a plan for you and He loves you very much, so run to Him. Forgive your ex and forgive yourself!

1 John 4:16

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.