What do I do now?
Life is so much different with the other half gone. Nothing seems to feel the same and things are just awkward. I did not know what to do, I did not know what to do with my time at home, with my relationships, or even with myself. Every feeling I had would often overwhelm me and put me in a state of depression. Confusion was a state of mind that I soon became accustom too.
As the shock of the separation and divorce started to lift, I could
see God working on me, in me. I turned my thoughts to what do I need to
do to build my relationship with God? Before, I was consistently trying
to do things that would benefit me by trying to hold on to a marriage
that could not be saved. It was time to let go and let God lead the way.
As I began to restore my relationship with God I was able to find the
answer and a long the way God revealed to me character flaw after
character flaw. By taking the focus away from my ex and placing it on me
I was able to see areas for improvement. If I wanted to make a better
life for myself it was important that I follow up in these areas and
learn to let God change my heart.
I had to move on with my life but I was scared of what might happen next
time and the only way to ensure that I did not make the same mistake
twice was to be a better Christian and to better understand what it
means to be a Christian.
I spent time in the Word, in prayer, and with other Christians receiving
counseling. I began to grow and to see hope for my future when there
used to not be any. I was able to forgive my ex spouse and move on with
my life. I am not trying to be the perfect man or change who I am
because I can’t, of course with God’s help I can be better but God made
me the way I am and until I am with Him in heaven I will be flawed.
However, I can learn to love better by learning to receive God’s love
and I can communicate better by learning how to listen. I am trying to
understand what it takes to make a relationship work, I know I have a
lot to answer for and I want to provide for my next spouse a better
version of myself.
The short answer to the question, “What do I do now?” would be to look
inward and not outward. Focus on your relationship with God and receive
His love and grace. Remember that God has a plan for you and He loves
you very much, so run to Him. Forgive your ex and forgive yourself!
1 John 4:16
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
- Why did this happen?
- What do I do now?
- When will I stop hurting so badly?
- Have the past few years been a waste of time?
- Am I a failure?
- What do I do to keep this from happening again?