Why did this happen?
It took a little time to be able to really answer this question, the
obvious reason was that my spouse was selfish, immature, and chose to
divorce. That is an easy answer and partly true but as time passed I
realized that it went much deeper.
Yes, my spouse chose to divorce but why? Sure I had faults and made a
lot of mistakes but I’ve always believed that as long as two people are
willing to work things out with God in the center then nothing can stand
in our way. Well I realized that no matter how hard I pray or beg that
it takes both parties to agree on this. She said that there was just too
much damage and there was no way for us to work things out. For her that
was reality for me it was a copout never the less it still takes two.
As time went on I began to see things more clearly, sure we had our
faults and the marriage had been in trouble for a long time. I confess,
I am guilty of making more mistakes than I can count but it went deeper
than that, much deeper.
The enemy was not my spouse it was not me, it was the power of darkness
that continually tries to hold us in slavery to deception and sin. At
some point the enemy was able to get a strong enough foothold with my
wife to convince her that divorce was her only option. For the last year
or so of our marriage we were not walking in the Spirit, we were caught
up in self-destructive behavior that was pulling us away from God and
each other.
All I can recommend to anyone who may be going through a divorce is to
pray for your spouse, pray for protection from the enemy and try to see
them through the loving eyes of God that they are under attack and in
need. It may still not work out but it may keep you from getting bitter
and deepen your relationship with God. God has given us free will and
the only person you can change is YOU. Remember that people are won over
to Christ everyday by seeing people like you and me change.
During the separation I was able to see this but I was never able to
convince my spouse, I prayed and prayed to no avail but we still ended
in divorce. Finally being able to see the answer to “Why did this
happen?” was not a complete loss. I learned so much, or remembered what
being a Christian was really about. It was about Jesus Christ, not my
selfish desires.
Even though things did not work out the way I had hoped I can rest
assured that God has a plan for me and it is good. I often find myself
realizing that my plan and God’s are very different. God did not want
the divorce but He knew it would happen and it is in His master plan.
Romans 8:28-32
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. 29 For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; 30 and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified. 31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? 32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?
- Why did this happen?
- What do I do now?
- When will I stop hurting so badly?
- Have the past few years been a waste of time?
- Am I a failure?
- What do I do to keep this from happening again?