Helping Someone Cope with Divorce

helping someone cope with divorce

When helping someone cope with divorce it is always a good practice, to begin with, prayer; for them and wisdom for you. It is hard to find the right things to say when they hurt so badly and feel hopeless. When a person is going through a divorce, it is difficult for them to stay focused and often their emotional, physical and spiritual health suffers. Sometimes life can get downright overwhelming leading to feelings of despair they are unable to see that they will be okay. Divorce can also cause a person to feel ashamed or embarrassed preventing them from reaching out for fear of being judged.
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Men Coping with Divorce

men coping with divorce

Men coping with divorce is obviously just as common as women dealing with divorce but because men and women are wired differently the manner in which they cope can be very different. Men have been accused of lacking emotion or the inability to deal with emotion compared to their counterparts. When it comes to coping with divorce, it is very important to deal with the emotions you are feeling. Suppressing them is only going to make matters worse and will hinder the healing progress.

Anger, denial and pride can influence men coping with divorce to make poor decisions. Encouraging them to get back into the game before they are ready, self-medicate with alcohol, becoming a workaholic, sleeping the day away and acting like nothing is wrong. Dealing with your feelings after divorce is important and you begin by acknowledging they exist.
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Don’t Just Survive, Learn to Thrive after Divorce

learn to thrive after divorce

Going through a divorce is a humbling and difficult process with negative consequences and emotions. Often, people get stuck or wrapped up in the negativity they forget to resume and rebuild their lives. We are all stuck somewhere; the trick is to recognize it and choose to move on.

In the initial stages of divorce we all hope for God to step in and save the marriage, giving us another chance. We pray, hope and plead – building expectations that we are going to beat the odds or that God will work a miracle only to come to realize that the marriage is over and there is nothing that we can do. We find ourselves helpless, hopeless and depressed. I am not saying that all marriages that start down the road of divorce are destined to end, and you should just give up but statistically over half of all marriages end in divorce, and you need to be prepared.
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God’s Medicine

gods medicine

It seems only natural to isolate ourselves when we are in pain. For some reason we think we can work through the crisis on our own or nobody will understand what we are going through but the reality is; countless individuals have experienced divorce, stemming from someone simply saying, “I don’t love you anymore” to infidelity and even abuse. Point being… there is no shortage of people in this world that can understand what you are going through.

When we isolate ourselves, we miss out on many of God’s healing medicines. In a state of isolation, we tend to focus on ourselves by having one pity party after another. As our minds conjure up questions with no answers, the worry of things to come, “what if” scenarios and a smorgasbord of feelings we open the door for bitterness, hopelessness, and self-pity; none of which God desires.
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Getting Through the Work Day

getting through the work day

One of the last places a person wants to be after hearing about their partner wanting to separate or divorce is at work. As much as we wish we could, most of us can’t turn on and off our emotions to concentrate on the task at hand.

It is important to understand that divorce is often compared to losing a loved one when it comes to grieving. Would you go to work the next day? Probably not, I know I had to take a couple of days off, not only to deal with the sick feeling inside of me but because I was exhausted from lack of sleep and not eating.

When I was able to get back to work, I first had to sit down and discuss with my boss what was going on because people will notice the change and you need someone on your side when you exhibit signs of frustration with co-workers.
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Divorce Got You Running on Empty

divorce got you running on empty

Manage the physical and psychological effects of divorce to help better you make it through the day.

Stress in itself is not a bad thing, but stress due from divorce can have horrendous effects on our physical and mental well-being. Leaving stress unchecked can lead to all sorts of problems; illness, depression, anxiety, crankiness, inability to focus, anger, loneliness, poor sleep, loss of appetite, lack of motivation, worry, and so on. Divorce will certainly bring on some of these feeling and much more, but you can manage your stress to some degree. If you feel like you are starting to run on empty then consider taking action.
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Acceptance of Divorce

acceptance of divorce

Acceptance is a huge step when it comes to divorce; acceptance is a person’s agreement to experience a situation, to follow a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest, or exit.

Another way to look at acceptance is simply a response to anything occurring at any moment of life as “it is what it is.”

Acceptance of divorce usually takes time to come to terms with but it should come and with it, things usually get better, the stress lessens, forgiveness is granted, and life resumes. There are so many things outside our control, and the only way to overcome them is to accept them. When we try to control everything around us we utterly fail and become miserable. It is when we let go and let God that things start to happen for us; we begin to accept the divorce or anything else for that matter.
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Living in the Moment

living in the moment

If you are living in the past or the future for that matter, you will miss out on what God has for you today. It also hold’s true that if you focus on what others have and covet then you will be disappointed and miss out on God’s blessings for you. God has many blessings to bestow upon you, but it may be different from what your neighbor has and even from what you think you need and want. God knows us all too well and I know I have gotten things I regret… learned the lesson, “be careful what you ask for, you just may get it.”
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The Difference Between Grief and Depression

difference between grief and depression

As I mentioned in the post Help for Grief, grief is a natural response to divorce but it should not last forever, and it should not control your life.

What is Grief

The definition of grief is this – Grief is the normal response to sorrow, emotion, and confusion that comes from losing someone or something important to you. Grief is typical of a person that has lost a loved one, lost a job, or gone through a divorce.

There is no doubt that you will feel depressed and grief when going through a divorce. You will feel empty and numb as if you are in shock. You will likely have a physical reaction to the grief such as; trouble sleeping, lack of appetite, dry mouth, trembling, muscle weakness, trouble breathing, and nausea. The whole situation and subsequent ones may make you angry. You might even feel anger towards your ex, yourself or just be angry. Almost everyone in grief will also experience guilt, which is often expressed as “I could have, I should have, and I wish I would have” statements.
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Help for Grief

help for grief

There is no getting around the fact that there will be grief in your life. We encounter grief for all kinds of reasons; our pet runs away, the death of a loved one, loss of a job, illness, having to move away from family and friends, and divorce.

Grief is a normal response when faced with loss. When it comes to divorce, the loss is substantial, and we respond with sorrow, emotion, and confusion. This is all natural and is a part of life.

The best help for grief is to understand it; to face it head on and not deny how you feel. Sometimes we try to resist the feelings and push them away or minimize how we feel by saying that, “it isn’t that big a deal” or repress them until one day we explode. All of these are ways to deal with grief, but they are unhealthy and can cause more harm than good.
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