From my experience on . I have talked to many women and got to hear stories of some of men’s greatest dating mistakes. I have also had the opportunity to make plenty of mistakes from my own dating experiences.
We all know that we are going to make mistakes, some are worse than others; nevertheless it is a part of life along with learning and growing. The key and the thing you need to remember about dating mistakes is to learn from them and change accordingly.
Most common dating mistakes are done by both parties. However, some are prone to a specific gender. You’ll have to gauge this for yourself.
Common Dating Mistakes and How to Avoid Them
- Compliments – We all like to get compliments, however there is such a thing as too many compliments. Compliments should always be sincere and appropriate. Both men and women love compliments, and it is also a good way to find out a bit about a person. When you compliment someone, and they respond with, “thank you” that is a good sign. If they disagree then that may be a self-esteem issue, or maybe they agree, and that is an ego issue. Most men think that they should compliment a woman on her appearance, hair, eyes, smile, etc. I challenge you guys out there to not do that, at least not on the initial meet and greet. Women hear that all the time. Look for something unique about them, maybe a piece of jewelry or a specific piece of clothing. If she has a great energy about her, let her know or compliment her on something she said or her cute laugh.
Women, men like compliments too. You may be able to get away with complimenting his looks because we don’t get it that often (at least I don’t think we do). Again, it is always better to find something unique. If you know, he is a great dad then compliment him on it. Other good areas to compliment him are: he goes out of his way to accommodate you, picks a great meeting location, comes prepared and on time, has good manners, etc. The key with compliments is to mean them and make them stand out from most others out there.
- Clingy and Needy – Men and women alike can be clingy and needy. Hopefully, before we start dating we have most of it worked out of us, but it can creep up at times. If you find yourself being clingy or needy, then you need to stop. You don’t want people to think that you need them to take care of you or that you can’t live life without them. Remind yourself that you are confident and valuable. You have your life, and they have theirs so remember that they aren’t always going to be there when you call, nor should they. Being clingy and needy can smother a relationship before it has a chance to grow. You are a commodity; not needy!
- Trying to Hard – Trying to hard usually stems from fear and being nervous. Take some time to gather your thoughts, take a deep breath or two, and stretch your arms. If you have to; excuse yourself and go where you can give yourself a quick pep talk. You will know when you are trying to hard when the conversation doesn’t feel natural, or you are overly worried about what to say or what the other person is thinking. Trying to make someone like you will only end it sooner. Relax and be yourself!
- One Sided Communication – In general I think women like to talk more than men and that is okay, but if the conversation is one-sided and there isn’t an exchange of information then someone is missing out. I think both parties should listen and be inquisitive; asking probing questions and offering their take on things. Never talk about your ex, the things you have, don’t complain about the things you don’t have, and don’t use this time to over analyze everything that is being said.
- Questions – We have to ask questions, but we don’t have to ask too many questions; especially if this is the first date or a quick get together. Keep it fun and interesting; laughing and having a good time is the goal. Asking about failed marriages, what part of town they want to live on, do they want more children, their political beliefs, etc. may be too personal for the first time out.
- Sex – Don’t do it… pretty much a relationship ender; especially if it happens way too soon.
- The “Yes” Man or Woman – Agreeing with what people say isn’t a bad thing unless you always do it. I find that if you are going to agree with someone, it works best if you offer your reasoning; “I agree because of…”. I am not saying to disagree for the sake of disagreeing but always verbalizing the fact that you agree can be a bit annoying and make a person think you can’t think for yourself.
- Conceit – Being conceited is a huge turn off for both men and women (unless they are both that way – then I think it turns into a power struggle). You don’t always need to one-up anyone or tell them how great you are and the things you have because it doesn’t matter what they think. They will learn about you as time goes on if the relationship continues.
Remember the goal of dating is not to be perfect. You are going to make dating mistakes, and the takeaway are lessons learned. Apply them to your next date and see how it goes. I believe dating is about growing and learning and when you have achieved a certain level, then that may be the time God will bring the partner He has prepared for you.